Thursday, December 11, 2014


Last post was all about the end of the end of the semester.

I fretted my way through my final paper for that semester, got it submitted, and then waited on pins and needles for the evaluation to complete.

I was pleased when it did. I passed with no need for revisions. That was truly thrilling for that weekend and mini-crisis.

Today is Thursday, the second week of my second semester, and it's my normal study group night. Which is changing in a couple of weeks. But I still don't have classes assigned yet.

This is not the fault of the school, I actually asked to talk to a career counselor because I am worried that maybe I am heading down the wrong path.

I absolutely loved my last position. I loved the fact that it was so akin to librarian work, and I got to be bossy and create things, and file things and organize and be in charge of something. But I didn't have to really manage much in the way of employees. I did manage accounts and the people at the companies who had the accounts.

The position was a combination hybrid position between inventory management, account management, project management, and program management. With a lot of other stuff thrown in.

Like I said, I loved it. And I had initially thought that I would like to go into program management, which is what I enrolled in school for.

Now I'm having concerns, not about what I loved from my last job, but that somehow I will end up having to manage humans (useless wastes of space like the complete moron who claims to be a manager where I am currently) and I don't want that. I am fretful that the job I had was so one of a kind that I won't ever find something similar that I would enjoy, even with a degree, and therefore I will have wasted all this time and money.

I do recognize that some of this fretfulness and worry are because of stress. The stress of the end of the semester, combined with ever-worsening treatment at work, and add in new worries from the ever-enduring saga of the condo, and it's understandable that I am stressed and fretful.

Here's the thing, I've never been highly motivated for money or recognition. I am not looking to have a job that will pay me a 15 digit salary or make me actually rule the world. I want to have a job that I enjoy, making enough money to pay my bills, maybe put a little into savings, buy myself the occasional shiny, and eventually retire when I hit 350,065 years of age (because odds are good, no one will be retiring much before that ever again.)

I'm not the social butterfly that a lot of people I know are. I have my study group on Thursday (probably changing to another night of the week next year) and I have my guild meetings every 2 weeks, and after that, in general, I'm good on social interactions for a while. And quite often, I'm okay skipping one or both of those as well.

I don't date, I don't go out much, I really am a very boring person as far as social life goes. But I'm okay with that.

I just don't want to be in a position like what I am in now. Where I am treated worse than dirt at work, I am borderline suicidal from my job. I never have enough money to even buy groceries, let alone anything shiny. I don't want to have drained all of my savings accounts to the point where if even one, single, solitary penny comes out, my account gets closed down. Where I have only 1 credit card, and that is almost maxed out because one of my bills has to go on it every month. Where for holiday gifts, I have to look at people and say happy holidays because that is the only gift I can give, and generally I have to look at them over a video call because I can't even afford to go down to my mother's house for the holiday. (I am going down this year, but I honestly don't know how I will afford it.)

Hence the call with the career counselor. I need to be able to talk to someone about what did I like at my last job, what kinds of things can I truly expect from each of these potential career paths, and is this education path the optimal one for me.